Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
