your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
