So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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