I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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