There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Blood and glitter go together right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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