Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
