i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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