I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
