If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
