I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
