tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
