I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
