Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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