I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I want is dick and wine.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
