beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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