I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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