She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i think i just lost a toe
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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