Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
