I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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