Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
