Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
