Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
