if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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