I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
