I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
