yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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