i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
