Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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