Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
