On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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