I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
