I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
