You work out of a Hotel?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
