Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize