shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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