i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
