You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
