Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
