Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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