Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
