I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
