dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
why is half of my head shaved?
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