I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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