Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
