I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dignity is for republicans.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
