I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
