someone threw a dead crab at me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
