Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
