i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
