Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
