dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
