My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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