I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
