awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
