yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
