I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
