he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
