What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
