That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
