Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
