i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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