im six kinds of drunk right now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Randomize