how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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