i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
