please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
