Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
