it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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