Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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