I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize