Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
