Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
