just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize