this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
