please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
