She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
