dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
