it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
