I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
...so i touched it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize